This morning while drinking strong green tea and trying to shake off the last bit of this miserable flu I've had, I happen to check out a blog that one of my friends from childhood is authoring… The part that struck me was where she had pictures of her friends and their homes, one of which I knew from when we were little. I looked at this grown up woman in her nice house, obviously planned for photographing, but still, a very together looking lifestyle and I thought "This is a grown up woman!!!"
I don't know if anyone else feels like this, or everyone else feels like this, but I don't hardly feel like an adult at all. Definitely a bit more adult than actual child, but the current that runs through me, the dismay, exhilaration and constant figuring at what the world offers is not what I would possibly imagine a grown up to feel.
At times I've wondered if it isn't partly because I started so young, having a baby at eighteen and going "full grownup" in such a one-eighty degree sort of way. It left me this feeling somewhat like I didn't have to actually fully commit to adulthood. As long as I was doing a good job at being a mother, or at least the best I could, and everybody was well looked after, why did I have to sign myself off to a finished product, end of the road adult, fully grown up until the day I die.
I look at my life and I see bills being paid, cars being driven to and from basketball practice for my twelve-year-old son, phone calls made to plumbers and decisions about when and whether to get the cats fixed… This is certainly not child's play.
I look at my friends around me, some with kids some without. Do they seem like grownups? It's so hard to tell. In most ways no. Usually I see people struggling to figure it out, make the stitches meet up and the seams straight. From a distance I see adults, people who have crossed that line and crossed the Ts needed to be stamped "Full Grownup".
Any thoughts here anyone??? This truly is a question that runs in and out of my days, and I wonder about your opinions.
~ Marcia
This reminds me of the day my neighbor's daughter described me as a 'nice lady.' I found myself wondering, "When did I become the 'lady' next-door?" But I also realized that it was silly of me to not be, after all I already had two kids, one nearly a teenager too.
ReplyDeleteI've also looked at others who are my age who seem so together and adult, and wondered what happened to me; when did I miss that transition?
I don't know the answer to your question - do they also feel like they're not yet 'grown-up'? Or do they feel like they made it to adult-hood?
I think really the thing is that we have to keep learning how to juggle the responsibilities of being an adult, while keeping in mind that we can still be children.
I remember thinking that being an adult was completely separate from being a child, and teenage-hood was the in-between when you could still play, and you started to learn the adult stuff. But that when you reached "adult-hood" there was no more play.
Now of course I realize that we are simply who we are...some of us just have to remind ourselves to be a kid more often and some of us have to be reminded to be more responsible!
Thanks for being a beautiful blend of real life Marica!
<3 Lauren
Thanks Lauren for the thoughts, I think your right, it's all about juggling : )
DeleteYou never really stop being the young girl in your head, it is only when you glimpse a sight of yourself in a shop window, or someone says something to you as Lauren mentions that you are suddenly pulled up sharply as to who you are now and how far you have travelled.
ReplyDeleteI am a grandmother, my eldest granddaughter is at university, but I am still that young girl in my head.
I love this, thank you for your sweet response. I look forward to when I become a grandmother and hope to feel fresh and as much myself as ever : )
Deletewow...this is a good question!
ReplyDeleteI can't think to myself as an adult in the real sense of the word...most of the time I feel like I'm 15 and...I still can't be part of the adults world...
But...I'm 41 now and...sometimes...this could be a problem...
I feel like Peter Pan and...I don't like to grown up!
Hugs, Dany.
So funny and yes, a lot like Peter Pan… : ) It's nice to hear that other people feel the same way…
DeleteMaybe grown up is all a facade : )
Hugs to you and I hope you are well!!!!!
Marica
It's funny because I was pondering the same idea yesterday and I realized that when I was a child my friends parents were so old and grownup but I realize I'm the age they were now and I still feel like I'm juvenile and so I'll equipped for adult life
ReplyDeleteMaybe people used to grow up and now it just doesn't happen anymore : )
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